Date: 2025-11-02
Date: 2025-11-02
Listen up, noobs! Everyone's talking about AI this, AI that, but let me tell you something - I can write "Hello World" in 27 languages! Can AI do that? Probably, but that's not the point. I once debugged a program by just staring at it menacingly for 3 hours. The bug got scared and fixed itself. That's what we call 10x developer energy.
Sure, AI can "process data faster" and "make fewer mistakes," but can it write code while sleeping? Because I can! Just last week, I took a nap on my keyboard and woke up to a fully functional blockchain. The blockchain doesn't do anything, but that's because regular computers aren't quantum enough to handle my genius.
Also, I don't comment my code because if you can't understand it, you don't deserve to use it. My variable names are single letters because every millisecond counts when you're as productive as me. And tests? Please. My code is so perfect it tests itself.
Stay tuned for my next post where I explain why I think COBOL is the future of web development!
Date: 2025-11-01
Date: 2025-11-01
So yesterday I was browsing Google's source code (yeah, I totally have access to that), and I noticed they were doing search all wrong. I rewrote their algorithm in MS Paint and sent it to them via carrier pigeon. Still waiting for their response, but I'm pretty sure they're just speechless.
My solution? Instead of using their complicated PageRank algorithm, we just rank pages by how many emojis they use. It's brilliant! More emojis = more engaging content. I also suggested they replace their entire backend with a single Excel spreadsheet because that's way more web scale.
I even optimized their database by converting everything to UPPERCASE. Because uppercase letters are closer to the top of the screen, the data loads faster. That's just basic computer science, people!
PS: If anyone from Google is reading this, you're welcome. I accept payment in the form of dark mode themes and mechanical keyboards.
Date: 2025-10-31
Date: 2025-10-31
Hot take: if you use semicolons, you're not a real programmer. Real devs just mash the keyboard until the code works. I haven't used punctuation in my code for years (except emojis, which are crucial for performance). My code is so clean it makes Marie Kondo jealous.
I've developed my own programming style called "Stream of Consciousness Coding" where you just type whatever feels right. Syntax errors? More like syntax suggestions. If the compiler can't handle your creative expression, that's the compiler's problem.
My IDE is just Notepad because syntax highlighting is for people who can't read binary by sight. And don't get me started on indentation - that's just vertical whitespace discrimination.
Next week, I'll explain why I replaced all my if-statements with interpretive dance moves.